*proofreading my life*

ku gembira Kau telah tiba

hati telusku sebelum ini tak berpenghuni

kutahu cinta ini takkan hilang

ia bersinar seperti hari yang paling terang

dan harumnya seperti wangian malam

di dalam, ku rasa penuh dan ku bersyukur kerana Kau ada di sisiku malam ini

tanpa cintaMu ku jatuh

tanpa cintaMu kuhilang arah

ku sanggup tempuhi segalanya semula

hanya untuk mampu merasakan sebegini

kerana kutahu

tanpa cintaMu ku jatuh

kurasa berharga bila Kau sentuh

cuma perasaan ini yang kuperlukan dalam hidupku

kerana Kau telah menunjukkan cahaya

tiada kesakitan yang terlalu perit dan

tiada kemewahan adalah biasa

asalkan ku adaMu di sini,di dalam pikiran

sepanjang hidup ku telah menanti saat seperti ini untuk tiba

tanpa cintaMu ku jatuh

tanpa cintaMu kuhilang arah

ku sanggup tempuhi segalanya semula

hanya untuk mampu merasakan sebegini

kerana kutahu

tanpa cintaMu ku jatuh

sungguh sepi

silamku sebelum Kau tiba

takdir baru ini bermakna tiada kesengsaraan

dan kepahitan itu akan hilang

tanpa cintaMu ku jatuh

tanpa cintaMu kuhilang arah

ku sanggup tempuhi segalanya semula

hanya untuk mampu merasakan sebegini

kerana kutahu

tanpa cintaMu ku jatuh

so ramadhan is finally here n today is my first day fasting as a working man…haha.poyo. nothing much different. had sahur with me family at home in taiping, tp berbuka in shah alam..then first time bgn sahur with my new frens..keje sama jugak. miss the days bukak pose kat masjid uia..dgn zaime remi syah n all..kat masjid matrik dgn syahzal, huzai,musang..tetiba rasa mcm byk benda pulak nak makan..tiba2 yg x sedap pun rasa sure sedap.. haha. but yesterday’s bukak pose is just enuff. satu macam plus sikit kuih2 dah cukup.. looking 4ward to bukak pose (just bukak) kat tepi CM on 1 of these days.. sambil org lalu lalang..makan kuih,minum air singgit..peh layaan.. anyone up for it? =) 

so wuts next?

so many things that i wanna do in my life… i pray that i live long enuff. one of those.. i want to fly. possible or not? no, not granting me wings. but to soar..spread my arms, see the land from above elegantly..haha. but of course, i dont want to land on hard-rock surface. not to the point that i wud kill myself! i dont think bungee jumping wud do, it looks stupid,n stupidly dangerous. sky diving? may b that’s too much..it’s more of falling rite? not my ’soar-in-style’ imagination..haha. is there any ‘human-cannon-ball’ amusement or facility like that in malaysia? i wud give myself a chance to try, if there is one..haha.

okay..fetching my sis later at terminal bas section17,with her car.selamat berpuasa 2 all…slamat berbuka puasa..n slamat sahur esok pagi dan pagi2 berikutnya.

wah, seronoknya perasaan pagi ni.

i am to leave this so-called anggerik city, for my beloved heritage taiping later at 9am. yeay.. got an event at majlis perbandaran taiping (mpt) 2day.. seranta or public participation phase in the local plan preparation.. MB tajol rosli akan turun.. there’ll be exhibition for the public..hope me dad is coming.. haha. our firm is the main consultant..so its just so appropriate if we’re there too today.. n me boss will give me cuti on friday since i’ve ben working my ass off for the past few days..(that was the syarat given by him.."make sure you finish up all your work"..damn). n tho i didn’t watch muvi last nite.. i went to c ida, abg n chenow at abraz arkitek..it seems better than watchin a muvi…wutever, as long as i break the routine. good 2 c ppl working hard..pity her a bit..glad to c her frens helping her..wut a frenship. i want to b there (at least moral support..haha), or maybe in little way i feel just a bit obliged to b there..since it was all from me..if it wasnt from me..then there wont b the whole task rite? haha.. glad 2 c things hav improved too. if we work hard, insya Allah the Almighty will help us.

an Indian shaklee distributor said this ..she quoted actually..

‘If you really, really want something, God will give you’.   

‘If you really, really want something, God will give you’. 

like someone asked, is there really any benefit?

mind you, there is.

ok, even if it is actually not, i assume it is worth a shot. haha. from my viewpoint, life is about making decisions, so u need ample time to come out with decision. … the phrase means (the way i intepret it) to make a favourable judgement despite an uncertainty. having good opinion bout it. poor us..if we are highly criticized under the situation..but there is another phrase, better late than never.

u may stay in there for quite a while.. but when u end up on losing (not actually lose.. how bout ill-fated? haha), u cannot complain. on the other hand, u may flatly condemn the benefit n go radical, but u may miss good things..  i mean the ‘benefit’. benifits are subjective.. it may be beneficial to me, i may not be 2 u.

do you want me to give you the benefit of the doubt? ..or, do i, at any time, deserve it? hmm.

if certain things are inevitable, why rush for it? haa.. (this thinking ruined me previously, tho its sumhow true).

like in the muvi ‘Buying the Cow’. when you can get the milk, why buy the cow?

because life is about making decisions. so while you’re at it, enjoy ur ride..

I pity my eyes… damn pity. my eyes demand for a rest.. but how can?

selingan… lagu ‘kenangan terindah’ kat HotFM…layaan… nak dekat sepuluh kali dgr kat radio dah hari ni..tp kalo pasang byk kali pon takpe.

where was i? oh yes, the eyes. MY eyes. work in the office = facing computer. minus the days or hours in which i would go out of d ofis, i face the monitor almost endlessly. report there, draw layout there, internet there,.. i think the only times when i actually dont have 2 face the comp are when i go to toilet (luckily), go consult in my boss’ room, or do binding. even my lunch pon depan komp, most of the time. ye ke? when i skip lunch la, which happen like almost all the time. hey, i’m not complaining. work is piling up,so wut? i oppose them end! i am paid to work. my boss hav nothing 2 prove, I HAVE. i owe him sumthing. i shud earn my..everything lah. it is just that, sumtimes i wonder..if i work as cashier, pump attendant ke, delivery boy ke, xde la torture mata camni.. from the eye pain i went on to feel n hav headache, obviously. kang lama2 kena pakai spek..x rock aah! cant take my eyes of u..eye of a tiger, in your eyes.. wut an inspiration. it’s official. i’m a SNAG. please, other ppl dont jump into the bandwagon. its not worth it.

ada ke orang dilahirkan loser..? ada ke? mana ada… kalao anda loser pon.. anda yg buat diri anda loser..

tp ada jugak benda2 berlaku yg buat anda rasa macam anda ni loser gila b**i… contohnya, time kelam kabut..time tuh la anda tertinggal kunci kereta dalam kereta.. (aik, mcm familiar je..). anda kena ‘pau’ ketika jalan di tempat2 sunyi atau mencurigakan (sapa suruh), motor anda dicuri diangkat lori walau anda ikat mangga sebesar buah mangga di tayar motor anda, anda basahkan seluar anda di tandas ketika ‘date’ anda tunggu di meja makan.. anda tau ini semua bukan irony tapi loser, tapi sebenarnya anda harus faham anda sendiri yg buat diri anda loser.. 

tapi kalo anda kata anda loser dalam bercinta, baik anda check balik… btol ke anda ni loserr… ke anda buat2 je kata anda loser? kalo minah@ mamat yg anda usha tu x minat anda balik selepas anda confess, dan terang2 ramai orang turut serta meng’usha’i minah@ mamat itu, mmg sah lah anda loser dengan L sebesar lesen L di dahi anda. Tapi sekiranya anda confess taktala dia tengah bercengkerama dengan orang lain.. mungkin anda tidaklah loser sgt, kerana u actually lost a fight which has never started. faham tak? (macam boss aku lak).. anda tidak pernah berjuang… perang dah selamat abes sebelum anda masuk line; tentera lawan pon tak pernah mengaku anda lawannya, jadi macam mana anda boleh kata anda ‘kalah’? anda ni mungkin lebih tepat atau serasi jika dikategorikan sebagai S.S atau syok sendiri berbanding loser. dan satu lagi situasi malang ialah anda tidak pernah masuk ‘line’ langsung, tetapi anda meminati minah@ mamat itu separuh mampus.. maka anda juga bukanlah loser, tapi anda ialah pengecut. sama ada anda menganggap dia memang tahu ‘rahasia’ anda dan tidak mahu respon, atau anda biarkan dia dalam kegelapan dan anda terus kemalapan, itu tidak penting. itu bukan soalnya. soalnya siapa? soalnya anda mewujudkan alasan2 atau dakyah2 penyedap hati dengan memikir "dia mmg x sesuai untuk aku" "aku mmg x sesuai untuk dia" "dia xkan nak aku" "ada banyak sangat penghalangnya" "takkanlah seindah itu", maka anda sememangnya pengecut dan sedikit lagi anda boleh terjerumus ke dalam lembah yg lebih hina dari lembah loser. anda bukan ‘loser’ dalam erti pengalah, jauh sekali beralah atau mengalah, tetapi anda sebenarnya suka mengalahkan diri anda. kalah besar pulak tu. dalam erti kata lain, anda memang ‘big loser’ la.  

oleh itu, marilah kita sama2 renungkan diri kita. kalah sekali tak bereti kalah selama-lamanya. tapi kalau anda suka lama-lama dalam kekalahan, maka lamalah anda di tahap itu. dan mungkin jika anda berasal dari Selama, maka lamalah sikit. tapi anda harus ingat, Tuhan itu maha mengasihani. ia bukan alasan untuk anda menagih simpati; tapi jika anda kalah sesuatu, mungkin anda menang benda lain. Mungkin jika anda menang semua, anda bukan sahaja berlagak, anda akan jadi riak,bongkak,takbur,ujub dan seangkatan lagi. maka bangunlah pagi esok dengan ceria..dan sedarlah apabila tertutup satu pintu kebahagian untuk anda, terbuka gerbang kebahagian untuk mereka dan banyak lagi pintu kebahagian yang barangkali menanti anda ketuk nun jauh di sana..